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It’s the hardest thing in the world trying to find that balance where you can still maintain a relationship with them without being sucked in to their drama’s/dynamics/expectations, and it not having a detrimental effect on you/your family. I tried everything with my family and for me in the end I had to walk away. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do as it went against everything I was about in the world. I don’t think I ever got over it. But this isn’t an option for everyone and I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it has been for you.
“I’m there in body and in basic human kindness for them but am no longer interested in being present for them or to feed/placate their dysfunction”
Soooooooo hard to do being who we are. When our inclination is to love and be there regardless. But they make it sooooo hard! So we have to do what we need to do. But not without regret and sadness. There is always that…even when you know you are doing the right thing. That is why I had to separate to complete my process. It was too much! Having said that I am returning after 9 years of having nothing to do with my family. To begin with….just my sister. Not sure if I can ever let everyone else back in. Even though I’ve changed and I’m different now, I’m still not sure that I want go back to those old dynamics/dysfunctions. My birth family feels like it’s only that…..not like my true family. I don’t feel like I belong there! I would just go back to “being there in body” for them. It’s not enough! And that makes me very sad.
For you I imagine it is a lot harder as there a children/grand children /partners involved (I never had kids, so there are no links to my family) so you have to continue playing the game while maintaining your own sense of self and personal truth and boundaries. Very hard to do! Not an easy process and one that we all need to make our own decisions about. No one has the right answer. But I’m sure you will find yours just like I will find mine. We’re all in this together and it’s been great to just be able to share, and hear others stories. It makes it that teeny bit easier! 💖💖💖
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