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Hi guys. Thank you Nabila, Igor and Lauren for taking the time to respond. It has helped a lot! I’ve written back several responses to each of you but then just didn’t feel right posting. I guess for me the bottom line is somewhere along the way I confused “neutrality”with “taking it” and lost my power in what was happening. I allowed my perspective to change on what we are all doing and my belief in it, and it became a living nightmare rather than a conscious choice to enter the so called underworld to transmute it from within. I allowed myself to become a complete victim and lost my own sovereignty. So I have been musing about why and at what point, and I can definitely see where and why it got hard and what changes I need to make in my life here on in, in order to not just cope but remain in my own sovereignty as I move forward. Because I have not been coping and have needed help for a while. There just was nowhere to go. Which is probably how I found myself here sharing with you guys. This is an uncomfortable forum for me. I never know how quite to behave/act on social media / online platforms. So I struggle with that too – what to say, how to say it, how to respond (yes I’m a head person and waaaaay overthink things.) But it’s all a learning curve and learning to relax and allowing myself to open up again and allow others in too. It’s been such a lonely journey. I honestly don’t know how to not be alone! And I’m tired! I’m sure we all are!
Nabila thank you for your sharing and taking the time to respond over and over. It means so much to me. And I love your insights and wisdom.
Igor thank you also. Your light shines through your words.
And Lauren….thank you so much. Your words / support are what got me through the last few months of my life. I was on my way out. No way was I committing to a phase 2. But now here I am on that precipice getting ready to jump back in. There’s still so much in me that I need to work with, perspectives that need to shift etc. But I’m almost there now….thanks to you and your resilience on this journey that makes it possible for us to stay strong too and keep going. I know this never ends, that evolution is always ongoing, that there is no final destination and we don’t just arrive one day in a happy space. As my teacher always use to say “As the Light rises so to does the Dark – it can not be any other way as it is a universe of polarity” , so the more “Light” we become the more “Darkness” we are able to face (Im sure he said it better than that lol). So yes I need to get ready for things to intensify, set my boundaries and stop letting things into my field of experience. Suck it up and stop feeling sorry for myself. And most of all remember I actually chose this 😫😏🙂👍
Much love to you all xxx💗💗💗
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