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I’m also one of those who felt their sexuality at a very young age. I recall feeling ‘adult’ in that area very early; like I had a ‘knowing’ about my sexual nature/magnetic creative power from as early as 7. It was never exercised in an unbalanced way but I also ‘knew’ it was something not to share openly about myself. That feeling of covert operator/hiding self began early and I definitely felt different to my peers on this level.
I’ve only ever really been with one partner (my husband) and I sense our relationship was very much pre-ordained/beyond our real control. Like @nicole-camilleri there has always been a latent sense of dare I say it, dissatisfaction? or maybe more in the vein of being unable to be met where I am at, but I kinda knew, instinctively that this was part of this mission.
What I do know is I have felt safe, acknowledged and never felt predated on by my husband. Also, we have been able to talk about this openly (not in terms of the Order of the Rose but just in general) without his ego being bruised. I just know on an inner level that he has ‘held space’ for me all these years without judgement, without pressure to perform in the 3D world as a ‘normal’ person on every level and as we turn this massive corner in history I am even more aware of how fortunate I have been to have had this relatively safe space/person to experience this journey with/at my side.
The relationship has had many intense rocky times and from the inside we appear very poorly matched but from the outside we are seen as some kind of wayshower couple. Everyone thinks we’re amazing as a couple which has in the past always left me feeling a little affronted as we both know that it’s often been hell! However, we both know, and talk about it openly, that we seem to be tied to each other inextricably for some reason and have this thread that holds us together that transcends common sense.
On the sexuality thing, I know there is more to come in spite of us being in our 50’s ????. I’ve definitely been ‘off’ my game for a few years now with no real interest as others have expressed on this thread. I agree that there was something that pulled me back into myself maybe to regain/reboot some connection with self that had been lost.
I felt last week, when I viscerally felt/saw the end of all outdated ‘contracts with the sliding off of my wedding band, that something new on the sexuality side of things might be in the offing. This thread seems to confirm my sensing.
Interesting that today hubby and I had a conversation about sex and how he has felt he has been patiently ‘waiting’ for me. He also spoke with me a few days ago about wanting to expand himself in this area too as he felt ‘outdated’- his word not mine!
I agree that maybe this ‘celibacy’ that many of us have felt inclined to or experienced was a necessary hook out from a corrupted version/timeline for this most potent of creative forces. Perhaps we were/are waiting for the 2.0 DM to arrive before we (choose to) reconnect again with our sexuality? Certainly it seems that there is a theme here of going within and finding the Self/ disentangling from all outdated energies/contracts of the body.
I’m personally sensing that there could be a re-enagement around the impending Virgo full moon.
As a natal full moon in virgo gal I never understood the whole puritanical/Virgin Mary version of virgo. I resonate more with the original meaning of virgin- ‘she who cannot be owned – sexually and otherwise; sovereign , a woman unto herself, strong, free and autonomous’.
The patriarchal overlay created a false image/version of the Feminine and now this has/is dissolving fast so… maybe this rise in intel on female sexuality shared on this thread is a portend for us moving (back) into/reclaiming our original creative/sexual power.
The very word derives from a Latin root meaning strength, force, skill; and was later applied to men: virile, but ‘removed’ from women and replaced by a version of ‘virgin’ (virgo) that portrayed the ideal woman (Virgin Mary) as somewhat benign/powerless and not in control of her sexuality (virgin birth?.. really?? ????????).
All part of the false matrix methinks which is rapidly flipping right side up.
OFFERINGS
