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That was really kind of you to write all that @Lauren – went back to rainbow light post, and thank you… I know not to feed that. I sound immature complaining. I do look away, and away and away, but night after night, a few hours of sleep, wakened with pure pain, death-like abandonment, I became exhausted. I didn’t even realize I was until I snapped that one night.
Though possibly exhuming a final piece of abandonment, too. I saw image of male body one night, unconscious, pulled up out of something, saturated in pain. I don’t have it IN me now, abandonment. I used to. It is OUT of me now. I did not realize how bad, dire it was before. Incredible, it kills. You can’t risk life or living. It is like death.
