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Such a great post @marcy and very timely as I’ve been getting to the point you’re at over the last few months.
A lot to do and navigate with my family of origin . Very similar to you -dementia which has taken away the long term charge I’ve had with my father. It’s like in the end everything dissolves and expectations on both sides just disappears. Weird but freeing feeling. Loss of need for justice for me and the realisation that now I really don’t seem to matter to him. Not in a negative way but he’s happy to see me but the energetic demands are zero. Realised this was how it always could have been if I’d only known .
Mother wound still operates at times but her own journey is teaching her. I don’t need to ‘ help’. Stay neutral most of the time and when triggered take better care of myself rather than chew on the old fat of hurt and wounds of poor nurturing.
It’s like watching a tv drama with the sound off… mostly.
Also came clean with sister of late. Handed my excessive responsibility for her feelings back to her. and said gently, powerfully with grace how I really felt receiving her constant passive aggressive snide barbs/ commentary on my life. I’ve known it jealousy on so many levels in spite of her life probably being in better shape than mine .
When I called her out since then she’s been upping her game and ditched some of her incessant whining that is rooted in the energetic of victimhood.
I can’t buy into victimhood of any kind anymore and I’ve secretly been like this for years, but saying it out loud with no expectations seems to have freed things up.
She’s super polite now. Hoping she’s not egg shell walking but even if she is I’ve stopped worrying. I trust myself that I am kind, have heart at my centre and my trained thru trauma propensity to rescue, soothe , create harmony seems to be waning all by itself.
I am super aware of all my trauma based reactions too and am pausing prior to thinking/ feeling/ acting with improved consciousness.
Also feeling a rise in desire for my needs, wants and excitement that has been absent for decades. I suddenly feel inspiration that isn’t tinged with some shadow.
I feel that by my March birthday things will have shifted even more.
Thank you for sharing… all of you 💫🥰
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